Thursday, April 14, 2005

It must be love

Despite my cynicism towards weddings, I recently merited to be at a wedding of two people who were quite obviously madly in love. It was palpable under the Chuppah, when they looked into each other's eyes, during the speeches. You could feel it. I am also pretty sure that they refrained from touching beforehand.

It may have restored my faith in marriage and in me finding Rebbetsin RK (more on her another time).



At 4/15/2005 2:15 AM, Blogger kishmech said...

She DOES exist. She's just looking for you too.

At 4/15/2005 5:17 AM, Blogger Shoshana said...

I was at a similar wedding recently also, and I cried more there than I had ever done before. What was so beautiful was that the chosson and kallah were considering everyone else the entire time also - they were giving brachos to everyone there, they were suggesting shidduchim during the reception (discreetly, of course), and they were making sure that the guests had a wonderful time. It was really beautiful and one of the cherished moments of my past year.

At 4/15/2005 8:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please don't lose all your cynicism/realism too quickly. A wedding (and the sexual relationship that follows) is not merely the end of the dating process, it is the beginning of a marriage that you hope will last the rest of your life. The love and yes, lust, that may be exhibited at the beginning of a marriage must, absolutely, change over time if the marriage is to succeed in the long-run. The understanding that marriage is more about life than it is about love is, I believe, the key to its long term success. Please don't misunderstand -- love and lust and sex are extremely important. But at the end of the day, they are just one part of a much larger relationship. Hollywood's version of marriage as merely "taking love to the next level" is the cause of many unhappy endings. A little dose of cynicism/reality with regard to love and marriage will take you a long way.

At 4/15/2005 2:50 PM, Anonymous ClooJew said...


Been following your postings and it seems to me, lulei demistafina, that you are a romantic. A real softie. A sensitive new age guy.

Well I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but women just aren't all that attracted to this kind of male. Oh, sure, they SAY it's what they want; but at the end of the day, they don't feel the spark.

What does spark a woman. A tough guy. Machismo. Why is it that so many good girls wind up with assholes. They even admit as much! And they claim not to understand it.

Well, I do.

At 4/17/2005 2:20 AM, Blogger Soferet said...

It's so satisfying to witness such connexion :)

At 4/17/2005 3:16 AM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...


from your mouth to .....


That sounds amazing. Weddings can be special, but they can also be formulaic, dull and uneventful as well.


Thanks for your words. Don't worry, I'm still pretty cynical. Care to elaborate on "marriage is more about life than it is about love"?


I know. I'll post my thoughts about that soon.


Why is it so rare to see nowadays?


At 4/17/2005 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Marriage is more about life than it is about love..."

First, let me say that I do not claim to have all the answers with regard to love, marriage and the meaning of life, only the benefit of my personal experience. For the record, I am in my 30's, married for 13 years and have four kids. Not untypical for our demographic.

The saying the "You only really get to know your spouse after you get married" (no matter how long you have dated or even lived together) is very true. To that I would add that "You only really get to know *yourself* after you get married." The responsibilities of day-to-day married life pile up very quickly. Work, mortgage payments, where you live, homework with the kids, friends, late nights with babies, issues with neighbors and in-laws, laundry, a broken boiler, bigger issues with your kids, their school, their friends, etc. all become primary in your life and in your interactions with your spouse. Love -- or at least the Hollywood version of it -- will rarely carry you through these issues, especially if you do not see eye-to-eye with your spouse on them. And you will *never* see eye-to-eye on every issue. More important to a marriage than romantic love is one's ability to work through these annoying and sometime serious issues without them becoming major fights. Trust me, no one feels very romantic after a pissing-match over a fender-bender or an unbalanced checkbook.

Please do not misunderstand me -- romantic love and yes, good sex, in a marriage is vital. Going out to eat or to a show (assuming you can find a baby-sitter) is vital. Little gifts, romantic gestures and an "I love you" will go a very long way. But at the end of the day, marriage is more about life than it is about love. If you can make “life” work, the “love” in most case is easy. If, on the other hand, “life” does not work well, the “love” will rarely last.

I wish you the best of luck. :)

At 4/17/2005 10:54 AM, Blogger brianna said...

I think cloojew isn't as soft hearted and romantic as he seems online. He kinds of reminds me of myself in a way.

At 4/18/2005 2:13 AM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...


Sounds a bit scary - I love the single life, I might need some convincing that it is all worth it.


Luley Demistafina, CJ does not come across as soft-hearted or romantic! I'll let him respond to you himself though.


At 4/20/2005 5:13 PM, Anonymous ClooJew said...

Whoever said I was soft-hearted and romantic??? Please. I am bitter and crotchety. If that doesn't come across in my comments then I am not fulfilling my potential.

Nevertheless, brianna, I am, lulei demistafina, flattered by your suggestion, and will try to live up to it. I am also very fond of your name.

At 4/20/2005 9:30 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

there you go cj,don't let anyone see through that crusty, scrooge-like exterior of yours. Have you found that the women respond favorably to that?

At 4/21/2005 9:12 PM, Blogger ClooJew said...

The ones over eighty LOVE it!

At 4/21/2005 11:44 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

Ceeej, that one kept me going for five mins. For some reason I had a mental picture of Abe Simpson and his wrinkles, rambling on about the Great Depression of the 50's. Don't ask!


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