Monday, April 04, 2005

more on sex and religion

I don't want to become a one-topic blog, but there's so much more to be said. It's often said that males have a much stronger sex-drive than females. It also seems that more and more females in the religious world are waking up to their sexuality. How do we deal with this. Yes, marraige is an ideal, something we should be aiming for, at the right time with the right person, and not before. But until then .....

Most of the halachot are pretty straightforward. You can't do it. Whatever it is you are asking about. So how do we deal with it? Firstly, if using a vibrator is acceptable in Halachah (anyone got sources?) then it should be encouraged. I don't believe it will discourage women from getting married (if they are getting married just to relieve their sexual tension then we are in trouble anyway). It will (or should do) relax their tension, and help them deal with their urges to a degree. As for guys, well, we just gotta be strong I guess.

Furthermore, we need to open up channels and be encouraged to talk about it. If everything is to be viewed as taboo, then the religious world is abdicating responsibility for the masturbation, pre-marital sex, abortions, and those that drift away from tradition because their libido is too strong. Those of us that face these issues, and care about them, know that having someone to "confess" to can really help. I'm not asking for the Rabbinic world to hand out Heterim left right and center (though I might deal with that in a later post). But it is time we started dealing with it.

To be continued

11 Comments:

At 4/05/2005 2:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Women masturbate and it's not against the rules. (Lucky for us.) We just don't talk about it in a none anonymous forum. But you might as well know.

 
At 4/05/2005 3:35 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

anon,

I'm sure they do. But I also suspect many religious women don't. Is there a guilt factor like there is with men? Is it something that although acceptable yet is frowned upon by religious authorities. Is there a way of encouraging it (in the appropriate all-woman forum)? Will it affect in any way a woman's desire to get married?

Answers please

TRK

 
At 4/05/2005 5:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The issue of female masturbation is discussed in reference to Vayikra 18:3. I've come across halachic statements about this but cannot remember the place. It discusses the euphemism of "k'mak'chol b'shifoferis" (A stick that goes into a tube) - dildo. I apologize for not being able to site a source but this can be used to take and ask the question from one who knows more than I. I myself am uncomfortable with the idea of this being assur but trying to be intellectually honest, I had to mention it.
-Tachash

 
At 4/05/2005 5:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course there's a guilt factor. But it's not as bad as the guys'

 
At 4/05/2005 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

masturbation is not assur for women. it is frowned upon, usually because of attendant fantasizing which may be assur (thats a whole topic in its own right, and the halachos for women are more liberal, and just what is or isnt ossur is quite murky).

I dont know why so many religious people seem convinced that women have lower sex drive than men. This idea is not to be found in chazal! If anything, their view was the opposite (that women are weaker when it comes to sexual activity). It's a Victorian idea - this is a prime example of an idea that comes from the secular culture and is alien to torah but many have accepted. nowadays, it's reinforced by conservative Xians. So many people are thrilled to see new research supporting difference feminism (men and women are really different, cognitively and emotionally, duh) that they buy the whole business, hook line and sinker, and start buying into the conservative christian idea that women are less sexually driven than men.

 
At 4/07/2005 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Theres a lot more to sex then just having an orgasm. i'm willing to skip it and instead have someone hold me.I dont think masturbation has anything to do with us wanting to get married. If this was in hebrew I could have explained more...

 
At 4/07/2005 2:44 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

anon,

1) many in the religious world would (and do) claim that encouraging female masturbation would remove the impetus for singles to get married.

2)if you want to post something in Hebrew and can do so, I will happily translate it for everyone else.

TRK

 
At 4/10/2005 12:05 PM, Anonymous Hobbes said...

בדיקה בעברית.
הכל מיושר לשמאל, נו טוב...

 
At 4/10/2005 12:15 PM, Anonymous Hobbes said...

אבל זה עובד :-)

 
At 4/11/2005 5:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think they say that singles having sex removes the impetus for marriage, not masturbation.

 
At 4/12/2005 4:05 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

anon,

as I said in my post, if singles are getting married mainly to have sex, we are in big trouble, and this could be a factor in the increasingly worryingly high divorce rate.

hobbes,

תכתב(י) בעברית, זה בסדר גמור

 

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