Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Single guys should have babies

No, I'm not advocating pre-marital sex (as much fun as that sounds). Men, listen up and listen well. You want girls to swoon, ladies to fall at your feet, women to be as putty in your hands? Grab the nearest cute baby and get to work.

You make that baby gurgle, giggle and dribble, ensuring maximum exposure to as many single girls as possible. You hold that adorable little thing in the air, swirl it around, make it fly.

It can be outside shul, at a wedding (where they're even more vulnerable than usual), anywhere. Wherever you see the opportunity, where there be single girls and babies around, use the force, men.

Re-enact the Gilette one where the clean shaven hunky guy is holding the immensely cute baby in the air, with the cheesy backing music - doesn't that make you wanna go out and buy razors right now? Now imagine if you are female, you don't want the razor - YOU WANT THE GUY!

So listen all you married couples who believe you've seen the light and want to share the wealth with your less-fortunate single friends (though we know it's really that you are suffering and you can't bear to see people having fun, you want them to suffer too), if you really wanna help - lend us your babies, though only the cute ones please. Not the ones that look like King Kong did as a baby or those that even MJ would stay away from. Just the cute ones.

Men - use this gift that G-d gave us, the gift of luring women by firing up their imaginations. Inspire them to think what a great father you will be, play on their insecurities, manipulate their deep-seated desire for a husband and father to their unborn kids while their biological clock is ticking louder and getting closer to midnight with every tick. I have used the force, and it works. You too can become a Jedi.

Women, there may be men who don't believe in the force. Heretics, Slifkin lovers, apikorsim, skeptics. Back me up, admit to the truth, you will be doing a great service to mankind.

TRK

14 Comments:

At 6/08/2005 11:12 PM, Blogger brianna said...

It works. That's all I'm going to say.

 
At 6/08/2005 11:28 PM, Blogger Miriam said...

I am sorry but a man with a baby just looks like a single father to me. Not something I want to get involved with :0)

 
At 6/08/2005 11:35 PM, Blogger ghetto said...

RENT-A-QT has been formed
ill rent out my little ones,for an extra $25 i will train her to say " TRK you are the bestest bestest bestest inthe whole wide world" in her cutest little voice and then grip u in a bear hug but remmeber TRK marriage is an instution you really wanna live in an instutution!!

 
At 6/09/2005 5:30 AM, Blogger Shoshana said...

This sounds a bit reminiscent of a Friends episode.

 
At 6/09/2005 6:32 AM, Blogger tinablue87 said...

It also works with a cute puppy.

 
At 6/09/2005 6:33 AM, Blogger Malka said...

LOL@Ghetto's institution comment.

I think the only women who would fall for that are those who are attuned to the ticking of their own biological clock. As a single woman, I admit to finding a guy more attractive because of his ease and ability to interact with children.. There is something inherently sexy about that..

 
At 6/09/2005 8:01 AM, Blogger tmeishar said...

Ok, usually that's true...I'm big enough to admit it.

Oh, and women, in case you were wondering, for men it's food. Seriously, bake a really good pie or, even better, cook some meat and all of a sudden... Well, think about how you feel when guys are playing with their little sister and you'll know how guys feel when they see a juicy piece of steak.

Haha :-)

 
At 6/09/2005 8:38 AM, Blogger menachem said...

it's the oldest trick in the book. doesnt work anymore. the best babe magnet i've ever used is an m-16 on my back. it works better than any baby

 
At 6/09/2005 9:08 AM, Anonymous Chai said...

I'm with Brianna on this one. There's just something so endearing (and heart-warming?) about a guy with a baby (if he's doing a good job of it...) I'd say it shows a certain sensitivity which is incredibly sexy, though after reading this post I'll be wary... :) Sorry Menachem, the sexiness of an M-16 just doesn't cut it. A guy in uniform definitely is hot, but I'll take a guy who's great with kids before one who can shoot...

 
At 6/09/2005 9:14 AM, Blogger Mar said...

alright TRK: I have to tell you that the first time I fell in love with my first husband (which was a huge mistake except for the beautiful daughter I got from him) was when I overheard him reading Sesame Street's "There's a Monster at the End of this Book" to his friend's 5-year old son with his endearing Moroccan accent. So while I agree with you that it's sexy and appealing its still not always the best choice. Still lovign the blog and looking forward to having more time to study and learn soon. Thanks for helping me stay open to what's going on - Marla

 
At 6/09/2005 9:18 AM, Blogger kishmech said...

It works, the first time I met hubby I was 15 and a load of kids were around him.

Gillette ad - I used to love the theme tune. :-D

 
At 6/09/2005 3:38 PM, Blogger menachem said...

there's a monster at the end of this book was the first book i ever read by myself when i was a kid!

 
At 6/09/2005 6:01 PM, Blogger TwennyTwo said...

Yo, the whole thing with the cute kids is about just that, cute kids... although, I admit, to see a fully-grown man interacting WELL with children does give him a check in the 'potential' list.

Seriously, though? I always want to know who the mother of the kid is. Then I talk to HER. Which may be why I'm still a single twennythree.

peace
TwennyTwo

 
At 6/09/2005 7:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So how come when I was marching around with a bunch of kids AND an M-16, the women all scattered?

 

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