"I get knocked down but I get up again", "Nofel Vekam, Nofel Vekam Nofel Vekam"
Kudos to anyone who can name the two disparate bands quoted in the title, one is an anarchist bunch of lefties and the other is a now-defunct Israeli hip hop group.
Torah first confessions later. Something relevant I just heard: Shemot 12:15 - "Ach Beyom Harishon Tashbitu Se'or Mibateychem" - The first day (of Pesach) you should get rid of your chometz. The first day??? Rashi explains that "the first day" actually refers to Erev Pesach, the day before. Any reason it is called the first day? During pesach, we have to remember what we were before. We were bad. We were esconsed in a world of idol-worship, slavery and low morals. We've all had times when we weren't as close to G-d. "Sheva Yipol Tsaddik Vekam". A righteous man falls seven times but gets up again. David Hamelech struggled as well. He had to overcome his temptations. "You're never gonna keep me down". Haderech Haaruka Umefutelet" - the long and windy road. Many pitfalls and potholes along the way. A yeridah letsorech aliyah. The breaking of the first tablets.
Every day is a winding road for me. Constantly faced with challenges, sometimes new but mainly old. The bugbear of lust, my bete noire of apathy. I can't tell you what level of Tumah I am currently on, but it's not 49 and it's not 1. Things like minyan, learning, treating women right, berachot, being organized, exercise (yes, even exercise is a religious issue - another post topic), caring for others are all a greater part of my life now. But I've had numerous "turning points" in recent years. Every single one until this most recent one failed in some way. Yet they made me stronger.
Maybe the support of my blogreaders and commenters - thank you to all of you by the way, keep them coming - will help me continue pushing my Sisyphian (word?) ball up the hill of life. Is there a top? Will I be forever destined to push and slip back, push and slip back? Shuvu banim shovevim. I often envisage myself struggling with the "ish" inside me, underwater, and when I can get free of my ish holding my ankle keeping me back I will break through the shimmering surface of the sea, into the glorious radiance of G-d's sun. Lord give me strength to make it.
TRK
posted by TRK @ 1:38 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Malka,
Congrats. You are quick - did you google Shabak Samech? How did you cheat?
For me it's not so much a question of not learning from the mistakes, but slipping up in the same areas every time. I know what's dangerous for me, I know where I can go wrong, yet I still sometimes allow myself to slide into that place.
Thanks. I'm trying to improve my writing (plenty more work there) and throw in some more meaningful prose as well.
TRK
M,
Whenever you need to talk about it - my blog is always open.
Did you ever see Chumba play live? I think they sold out with a couple of commercial songs, and the rest fo their stuff is highly anarchic - am I right?
Last I checked, despite commercial dwindling, Chumbawumba are still fervently anarchist- and equally memorable for "Tubthumping" and when their singer threw a bucket of ice over the Home Secretary. So that makes 2 tricks...
PP,
I disagree. Tubthunping was a complete mainstream sell-out. They may have done it to get themselves in the limelight from which they can propogate their anarchism, but the song was a faustian pact with the music label devils.
TRK
Good point. I stand corrected.
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