Multiple dating - please help
Someone once blogged about dating more than one person at a time (sorry, don't remember who you are, apologies). I commented that I was against it because you lose focus, you need to be able to give the one you are with all your kochos, energy and attention. Also, it gets really really tough remembering what you said to which one and who you promised to see when.
I decided to focus on the first one offered, we shmoozed on the phone but she lives in a different town and is pretty busy, and we didn't click so well on the phone. So I will see her sometime next week, when she has time for me. But I decided to follow up a different offer, and I've already set that one up for the beginning of next week. Plus we had a good vibe on the phone. She finds me amusing, I can tell.
I will give both girls a first date before going for a second, and I will probably get rid of one of them very early on, otherwise it will not be fair. Is that ok?
TRK
posted by TRK @ 8:22 AM
18 comments
18 Comments:
TRK, that's a tough one. On the one hand, you shouldn't have to go 'on hold' just because the first girl is unavailable. But on the other hand, can you really give it your all to both girls at the same time?
I've no experience in this area, but I say that after the one date with each girl, I think you'll have to make a decision, and focus on the girl that you feel has more 'potential', for lack of a better word.
Good luck, and maybe we'll have a Mrs TRK joining blogworld! (Which raises the question - how soon, if ever, does one inform their signinficant other about their cyber life? Hmm...)
Don't go on a second date with both of them, make a decision after the first date.
trk,
I think the concept of dating more than one person at a time has more to do with the long term idea, not a first date, I think there is nothing worng with what you are doing since you have no comitment to either of them.
However, if you decide that you want to go any further you should decide which one and apoligize to the other ("sorry I just don't think it will work ETC..")
in any event good luck,
TRK-
I don't get it- you said you've done this before and it was confusing? So why are you going for it again now?
Also, ask yourself how you would feel if it was you being "juggled". That is probably the best marker. In any event, good luck!
DH
It is wrong - you know it is and admitted it. But as I said in my latest post, its amazing what heteirim you can come up with if you try!
Bedieved - now that you have initiated 2 dates, make a decision after the first date with each.
As for when to divulge you are a blogger, I have been put in the same sitaution and any further advise from anyone is welcome.
Karl: I think it depends how much of your personal life you blog about. If you see your blog as a healthy extension of yourself, mention it -no big deal. But if you are using it as an outlet for things you don't feel comfortable saying in real life, then perhaps best not to mention until you know the person better. You might as well prioritize a face-to-face relationship over a transient community of aliases...
TRK: I'm not a fan of Multiple Dating. But you must follow your heart ;) ,see where it takes you...
You're treading in dangerous waters, my friend. Forget about what would happen if one or both finds out; the real danger is inside your head--your feelings for one may make it difficult to think clearly about the other and vice versa. I vote for eating one dish at a time.
don't not go out with the intown girl a second time until you go out with the out of town girl once, that's just silly...Go out with the first girl, and if you see it can go somewhere go out with her again. if you find you have no need to date the out of town girl, then don't, and if you find you are unsure about the intown girl, then go out with the second one...you don't need to "break up" with the first one to go out with the second.
Multiple dating, lulei demistafina, is FINE for someone who has been dating awhile--as long as it's only one or two dates. I would draw the line after that because you are either not that interested in one or both girls, in which case cut one or the other or both loose. OR, you are starting to feel it for both and you will land in a heap o trouble.
Remember, you're not just dating, you are interviewing for the position of Mrs. TRK. You are entitled to set up multiple interviews. Even on the same day.
Anyone who says otherwise is unrealistically romatacizing dating--and that's why there are so many people single in the first place.
Stop thinking of this as THE ONE. that's what's getting you into trouble.it's a met and greet. Unless you've entered into tenaim or such everyone knows that the wedding isn't next week. Get to know these women and be honest with yourself as to your expectations.
If there's nothing after a few meetings then say so. Exclusivity isn't expected, you've only just met.
Good luck! Hopefully it won't be long before you meet someone.
Ever see the booklet "Kovetz Derech Eretz Kadma la-Torah"? Published by Machon Puah, written by an anonymous Merkaznik. He has a paragraph (p. 25) on your question. It is titled "Tovim ha-Shnayim min ha-Echad" (Two are better than one!). After explaining that opinions on the topic of dating two people at once are divided, he points out that "a young woman who hears the fellow she is dating has gotten engaged, is liable to take it badly. And justly so!"
So be careful.
In response PurpleParrot about "revealing" your blog life to reality, I did try it once. After thinking I knew the girl well enough (and being very tired), I told her I was a blogger.
A day later she dumped me!
May just have been coincidence, but I will be a while before I make that mistake again.
BS"D
I think if you release your hold on the situation, HaShem will have an easier time steering...
;+>
Enjoy the ride the the chupah, TRK!
why only two?
If your head doesnt get messed up then go for it. But I very have gone out with a guy who can do that. Usually they talk for a while, (and I let them) about what we discussed on a previous date that was really with another girl LOL.
This way it is clear to me what a jerk they are.
thanks for your comments everyone. I think i'm quitting dating for good and going back to hunting them down with my charm and talent, not this boring sitting around talking over coffee crap.
you suck!
thanks for the concern cloojew
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