The power of manipulation
Like a drug, once tasted you find it harder to go without your fix. Knowing you can control someone, have power over them, influence their lives to such a degree. Better than sex (apparently).
I've seen men manipulate women into doing the stupidest most pathetic things, they just play on their insecurities, feed them the right lines, even tell them the dreaded ILY phrase just to have their way with them.
I've seen women turn intelligent, normally controlled men into gibbering wrecks, tongues lolling at the sight of a bit of leg or a revealing top, persaude men to hand over large wads of cash for all sorts of ridiculous pleasures.
I've seen impressionable students fall under the allure of a charismatic, dynamic teacher, following him into the unknown and beyond. Imagine being in the shoes of that leader having such control over your followers and you'll understand how easy it is to abuse that, how addictive and dangerous it can be.
I've seen politicians lie so often that if they tell you it is raining you have to go outside to check. They will hold on to their privileged position, beyond their time, just for another hit of this drug.
I've seen the dangers of this drug, can anyone point me to rehab?
TRK
posted by TRK @ 7:49 AM
29 comments
29 Comments:
Manipulators are the ultimate players, perhaps even sociopathic? ( I use that term lightly.) TRK, you really are an interesting mix of characteristics. But let me ask you a question... what do you do when someone recognizes the manipulation, allows themselves to be manipulated, and then turns the table around?
FG,
I wasn't describing myself, merely what I have seen (though yes, I am an interesting mix). How do the manipulatees turn the tables? Give me an example.
TRL: I think you descrobed 2 competely different situations, which may or may not be linked.
The first group is about sex (or love in a crush sense of the word). Manipulating people for sex to for the players to get something in return.
The second group are the charismatic overlords who delight in kingdoms of pawns. (Whether ot not they get sex out of it is a different issue).
Human nature makes group one very susceptible, since eye candy and the allure of the yetzer hara keep the procreation process moving ahead.
Group Two is for the much weaker individuals. Its not necessarily human nature to be a weak-minded follower, though there always seem to be more groupies and hassidim than there are leaders.
The worst cases are the mix of both; the sexual redators who are also leaders of the Jewish community or youth organizations.
TRK, I think your last line was deceptive. By asking if anyone can point you to rehab, it sounded like you are the one addicted...
Also, you must remember that some people thrive on being manipulated, tho' they won't call it that. They need someone to tell them what to do, someone to make decisions for them - they can't (or at least feel that they can't) do it for themselves. Some people allow themselves to be victims.
Chai basicly answered your question to me with your last line... by asking for rehab, it seems you are describing yourself. If not, I apologize for allowing you to manipulate me into thinking you were ;-)Or maybe... just maybe you secretly are describing yourself? Only you can answer that. As for an example... who knows? Maybe this very comment is an example. Too twisted... lets go back to talking about tzitzis, lol.
Jameel, it's the same drug, the same basic weaknesses and insecurities that manipulators prey on.
Chai, maybe I am, who knows? What do you say about those people who allow themselves to be manipulated? That could well be the majority of us.
FG, I don't know. But there is no rehab for this addiction. It's not even recognized as one, yet it is so powerful and causes so much damage.
Where have I read this before?
Masmidas, it is objectification but we all do it. education is manipulation for a good purpose, as opposed to the other examples. being honest isn't good enough, if your patterns of behaviour and your addiction overpower you.
LRH, I wish it were that simple - have I just lost faith?
Prag, no idea, you tell me
ok...let me get this straight -- if someone is open and vulnerable (normal, human) and believes someone else when they say they love them, care for them, think they're great etc. -- this connotes being manipulated? why?
you seem to feel contempt for these women. i feel contempt for the guys who use lines they don't mean.
If we are on this subject, I have a relative whom the husband controls, basically she does not have a word at home, and every thing has to go precisely his way, more to that he constantly shouts at her if she does anything he does not like. As much as it pains the relatives around, we don’t know how to help her, any advice?
I don't think this is the kind of manipulation TRK is talking about. That is pure abuse. Can't someone help her? She needs to get out.
I dont think the solution would be to get her out, as I think if she would just tell him or you treat me like you should or I get out, he would treat her ok. The problem is how to get this acrross.
As they are a couple, if someone will intervene they will probably end up being attacked by both of the couple, since to the outside they act like an happy couple.
TRK, I wasn't refering to those who allow themselves to be manipulated - I do that every day - I mean those who NEED to be manipulated. Who are unable to think for themselves, to make their own decisions, and are happiest when they're done by others. Capisce?
ok ok everyone...break it up...stop fighting
just to recap:
1)manipulating people for your own ends (whether male, female, students, followers)is a bad thing.
2)spouse abuse is a bad thing, but not the subject of this blog.
3)we'll all try to be better people
At the end of the day it's still "Bemakom she'adam rotzeh leileich"
Hear Hear, MH!
'can anyone point me to rehab.'-
that,s personal.yes.The first step is being aware there is a problem
.Being aware both in thought and feeling.Then you are way ahead of most people.
cj - yes, that's true. but if we're gonna quote pisukim, there's also "lifnei iver..."
Rehab?... the sex thing you mentioned in paragraph one, often helps to cure all...
That said, manipulation can also be a great source of entertainment when used correctly. Manipulation of a weaker person is a bad thing, but what about manipulation of a person on an equal playing field to achieve an advantage? Isn't that what the business world is based around in this country (obviously manipulation of the weak takes place in the business world as well, but is for some reason not as bad as personal manipulation).
That said, college girls (and law school girls) are dumb. They practically ask to be manipulated. I've seen it time and time again. Girl needs notes - BAM - she becomes a flirt. Guy gives her notes to get her to keep flirting, maybe more. Think about it - who manipulated who? They both got what they want.
Thanks for the interesting read...
TRK Isnt it funny how the comments took this to an interesting place and its not about what you wrote at all anymore....
Religon, Rabbis, Love, anything conditional is a form of manipulation it takes the wise to see it and judge if it is for their best intrest or not.
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eds - that sounds a wee bit harsh.
What about the power of persuasion?
So what about the power of manipulation for good
i couldnt help but notice this i mean i was trying to find out more bout manipulators as i am one and ive known i am one from a long tym and i still dont know evrything i can do but i have managed to surprise myself in how well i can manipulate but really i still dont know y or how i became a manipulator seeing as i failed english and all that i mean really i dnt jst know how to manipulate for sex but i can manipulate for many more things and it scary for me to realise wat i can manipulate for and im trying to find out more about wat i can do so can any1 help me??
and yes manipulating is lyk a drug i first found out wat i was doing when a close family friend told me and grouped me as a manipulator and then one of the phsyciatrists i used to see did the same so yer
but basically i dont know wat exactly i can do but it is addicting and my gf starting to get anoyed with me haha oops ^^
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im concerned about my daughtet she is a manipulater she never use to be that way untill she met her late husband the whole famoly believe he manipulated for some reason he would make a person believe it was 100 degrees outside and snowing at the same time he manipulated my daughter to think that him being with another woman was for their purpose now she is the same way her late husband manipulated my daughtet to believe that i was evil 10 years ago and she still believe this to today now she manipulates her children against me the oldest one knows better now tht she has grown but im afraid for the little ones now the oldest son is taken by her manipulation really serious wht can i do
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