Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Weddings - yuk!

Why have they become so formulaic? The same music, the same format, the same structure, the same location, the same shtick? Yeah, it's fun when it's people you care about, I do always enjoy myself (the plentiful alcohol and meat tends to help) and I love dancing, but weddings just don't do anything for me really. Of course I make the effort to be mesameach chatan vekallah, but afterwards they all tend to roll into one in my memory banks.

What really gets me going is the whole present issue. Why should I feel obligated to give a present of a certain amount when I am being invited to a Simcha? When I invite people to something (a meal, a party etc) I do not expect them to bring something, and I do not take umbrage if they don't. I'm inviting them! I want them to bring themselves. (Don't worry, I always give wedding presents - when I remember - and I always offer to bring something to meals and stuff).

I appreciate that the money and gifts greatly assist the newly weds tenative first steps in an impercunious life, but keep in mind the parents have just blown a small fortune on the wedding. Why not reduce the amount you spend on the wedding instead (who cares what the Jones will think?) and use that money for the newly weds?

When my time comes (presuming Bill Gates hasn't invented automatic wedding gift machines by then - though at this rate the wedding could take place on saturn!) I will propose (spouse willing) that we make it clear we do not expect presents, and we will be more than happy for people to donate to a charity of our choice. I will also emphatically tell my parents and in-laws that as far as I am concerned, as long as the kallah is there, a ring, some half-decent music, a bit of hot food, bucketloads of intoxicating beverages and lots and lots of our friends and family, then I couldn't care less what kind of flower arrangement we have or whether it is in a fancy wedding hall or not or who the band is.



At 4/06/2005 6:09 AM, Blogger Shoshana said...

I have said many times that the ridiculous amount of money that people spend on a wedding would be much better spent on a down payment for a house, or put in a savings account for the couple's future children's school tuition. I think it is absolutely crazy how much people spend on weddings to impress a bunch of people that, often times, the chosson and kallah barely know.

At 4/06/2005 6:36 AM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...


Too true. I know there were takanot in the past on how much you could spend on a wedding. Any chance we can work towards instituting another one (or is it just a pipe dream in my head?). Alternatively, if faced with Rabbinic intransigence (despite my yichus I don't hold too much sway) maybe we can promulgate a petition that people sign promising to reduce the amount they spend on a wedding?


At 4/06/2005 8:05 AM, Blogger kishmech said...

depends how starry eyed you are..... if your kallah wants the flowers, you'll just agree, the aim is to have so much fun on the day you don't notice the freakin flowers.

At 4/14/2005 12:53 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...


I'll worry about that when I find her huh?



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