Night crawler, beware the beast in black

I love being awake while the world sleeps. It makes you feel that you are alone, one, unique. The long night of the soul. Solitude. Quiet. Serenity. For all you know, the rest of the world has been destroyed in some mega chernobyl-like nuclear holocaust. Yet you sit there blogging away.

One year in Yeshiva over Shavuot I decided that staying up all night pretending to learn was really losing the battle against my body and its incessant need for sleep, so I went to sleep instead, woke up for davening, and learned by myself in the Beis for a few hours till lunch, while the entire world around me slept. Possibly one of my most profound learning experiences (I think I learnt some of Maamarey Hareyiah, Rav Kook's articles). I also loved being awake alone in the dark of the night, the witching hour, while babes suckle from their mothers and women chat to their husbands (Berachot 3a). Though once I had to lock up the big dark shul late at night, after watching an episode of the X-files. That was scary.

I believe that we truly discover ourselves when we are alone, with no one else to distract us or for us to relate our personalities to. Hisbodedus. Don't be afraid to try it. Sitting in the garden on a balmy summer night. Going for a long walk on Shabbat afternoon on your own. Discover your thoughts, your dreams, get to know the real you, as if you were dating yourself. But don't make it the Ikar, the crux. While you are finding the real you, make sure you are still engaged with society, living amongst people, helping them, studying them, learning from others. That is what G-d wants from us.

Veahavta Lereyachah Kamocha - Love your neighbour as you love yourself, but make sure you love yourself.

TRK

p.s. brownie point for anyone who can name the band who wrote the song in the title - without cheating