Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Modern Mussar: Abstinence makes the eyes wander

Poor Josh Hartnett in "40 days and 40 nights" decideds to give up sex and other related matters for Lent. Despite it being a dumb Hollywood comedy I feel there are some things I can learn.

There's one scene where he is struggling, it's a hot sunny day, and he perceives all the females to be walking around naked. Ladies, just so as you should know what we have to deal with, in our darker moments life can be like that.

Judaism's Lent is probably Elul and the Aseret Yemey Teshuva. It's time I started practicing what I feel I should give up or improve upon in the run up to Yom Kippur. Thank you JH for inspiring me.

Pirkey Avot states that a love which is dependant on something will not last. When that thing disappears, so too will the love. If my relationships and my marriage is mainly based on the physical and I choose my spouse due to my animalistic lust after her curvaceous body, then after 7 kids and 20 years I might prefer my hot young thing of a secretary. Speaking personally, a better connection can be had when a relationship isn't focused on the physical. It blinds me, distorts my view and urges me to boldly go where no man has gone before.

I do believe there has to be physical attraction, however, Mrs TRK, whoever you may be, please respect that I want to get an emotional, intellectual, deep connection with you first.

TRK

9 Comments:

At 8/10/2005 9:03 AM, Blogger brianna said...

40 Days and 40 Nights, gosh what a classic. Funny you mention it.

 
At 8/10/2005 9:53 AM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

I'm not listening to music in my car these three weeks and it's killing me.

 
At 8/10/2005 12:47 PM, Blogger ClooJew said...

It's true that holding out can make your desires more uncontrolable.

But it is equally true, lulei demistafina, that by avoiding women entirely (if that's possible) and not letting the yeitzer hara in to begin with (very difficult, admittedly) you can get along just fine.

The trick is to avoid the seemingly innocent things that make you lustful to begin with--looking at magazines, billboards, women in the street....

 
At 8/10/2005 1:44 PM, Blogger Moiy-rah said...

wow, i cant imagine what a crazy yetzer hara it is. good luck.

 
At 8/10/2005 5:48 PM, Blogger Elster said...

TRK: There must be a balace of physical mental emotional intellectual, etc. Aye, you cannot have some without the others, if you want a relationship that will go the distance. A girlm does not have to look like Uma Thurman (nor a guy like Josh Hartnet) in order for there to be attraction. A person need not have the brain of Einstein, the artistic ability of Rembrandt, nor the emotion of , well, i can't really think of anyone right now. You get the drfit. it just has to work for you. But to say, well he's really smart even if he does look like Steve Buscemi - that wont work.

 
At 8/11/2005 4:36 AM, Blogger tafka PP said...

Hey- don't knock Steve Buscemi- he's kinda cute in non-psycho roles.

 
At 8/11/2005 4:04 PM, Blogger Yoshi said...

There's an awesome Mussar blog ran by Rabbi Micha Berger called Apsaklaria. It's at http://www.aishdas.org/asp/

 
At 8/12/2005 3:40 AM, Blogger kishmech said...

that was a funny movie. Unfortunately his workmates went out of their way to ...ahem tempt him.

 
At 9/20/2011 4:38 AM, Blogger Odile S said...

thank you Yoshi for the link! I'm studying abstinence right now and it adds to my understanding.

 

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