Spammers should be shot at dawn

I just merited to receive my first bunch of spamming comments. My cool. calm, collected response is that spamming should be made a capital offence, akin to piracy, and that there should be no jurisdictional issues so that any country can prosecute, torture and slowly kill by leaving the said spammer in a vacuum with my smelly socks.

Imagine how awful it is to see that you have lots of comments, your heartbeat goes faster, your hand excitedly grips the mouse as you teasingly click on the "15 comments" link, savoring the pleasure that comes from knowing people have taken the time out to tell you what crap you write. As you scroll down blogger's box, the excited high becomes a sinking low, reality kicks in and you realize your only commenter is an advanced computer program somewhere in the Phillipines written by a 15 yr old four-eyed geek with no friends and no life. That kind of pain and anguish should be punishable by a brutal, nasty and slow death - the smelly-sock routine - perfectly proportionate in my eyes.

I remember when I got my first p*nis enlargement email. My first thought was an eye opening "How the hell could they know?" followed by a quick "Who could've told them?" after which a thorough search of my bedroom and bathroom for hidden webcams followed, one which would make the FBI proud. It was only after receiving my seventh or eighth that I realized I wasn't being targeted here and I felt comfortable enough tenderly broaching the subject to my friends to see if they got them as well. I then had the idea that if each one PROMISES to increase by 2-4 inches, then if I sign up to 3 or 4 of them I shall soon become King Dong. Let's just say that didn't work, and I have the references to prove it.

Then there was the loveable trustworthy Nigerian man who only needed me to open up a bank account for him so he could transfer his 20 million dollars outside the country, and he was nice enough to promise me 10% of that. I'm still waiting. The Microsoft Beta test which guaranteed me a check for every person I forwarded it to, but after swamping my family and friends' inboxes for weeks it seems that only the people before me in the chain got paid, I must've done it too late. Story of my life.

Dear Spammers, please stop ruining my life. I'm building up my smelly sock collection as we speak, just for you.

TRK