Thursday, September 29, 2005

Confession time pre-RH

I discontinued the "Confessions of a Rabbi's Kid" series, it became too personal and too juicy. However, in light of the Rambam's statement that we should confess publicly our sins to our fellow (wo)man, I humbly beg forgiveness for the following:

1. I slandered whole groups of people, mainly Charedim and Arabs. Statements like "Why don't those backwards, extremist UO Jews with their holier-than thou snobby chumraisms get a job, a life and an education?" and (post-pigua) "Let's carpet bomb Ramallah and Gaza like the Allies did to Dresden - that'll teach the murdering scum a thing or two". Neither statement is justified or warranted about generally peace-loving normal ordinary people who wish to get on with life and serve G-d.

2. Due to my overly flirtatious nature, I have probably messed around with some female minds and emotions. It is an impulse, one that I must keep under control will try and do so.

3. I'm also not the most sensitive of people, so I'll make fun or blurt out comments that are better left unsaid. For all that I am sorry and promise to improve.

There's obviously lots more, but I think this will suffice for one session. I'll have further posts about Teshuva and forgiveness, them being major topics in my life right now.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

To my Ex

Dearest Ex,

I want you to realize why we could never have worked and why I was forced to tell you that you were holding me back. Look at me then and look at me now. When I was with you, my spiritual life was a mess. I wasn't growing or improving, I was stagnant.

Check out your other boyfriends since me. Regular guys, maybe keep shabbat maybe not. Nothing too special about them, they aren't gonna try and change the world, no great ambitions, normal people. They're probably never going to inspire anyone to live a Jewish life.

I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it. Making Torah a part of my life again, exploring avenues to become a better more knowledgeable Yid, maybe even make a difference to other people. You would not be the right one to join me on the road, hand in hand the entire way. In fact, you held me back from that path.

I couldn't allow myself to settle where I was and be happy with my unadvanced state. I always believed that I was destined for better things and I still hope I am. I must aim high, because I only got one shot.

You did not contain the requisite Oooomph to stick by me and journey with me through this incredible thing called life searching for an ever-elusive G-d. I hope one day to find that girl who can do that with me, but you were not The One. Sorry.

Eternally not yours,


Thursday, September 22, 2005

Anu Ratsim Vehem Ratsim - two of a kind

One runs towards the light, the other away.

One is up at the crack of dawn to pray, the other is walking home in the same clothes he wore the evening before.

One chases mitzvos, the other chases skirts.

One uses entertainment to relax after a busy day, the other uses it to fill the void in his empty meaningless life.

One elevates food to a holy activity by the mere recital of a few crucial words, the other wolfs down what he can get his hands on, unthinking, unfeeling, ungrateful.

One reflects on his past seeing what he can do better, the other reflects on his conquests, seeing how many more notches he can get.

Which one are you? Which one am I?


Stopping for Minchah

Have a break, stop for Minchah. Working your hiney off all day, slumped in front of a computer screen is not the ideal. We often need to take a little moment to relect, to stop, to pause. Whether it be for G-d, for your family or for your souls. It's time that we all need but so few of us take advantage of. Stop running too fast through life, take time to enjoy the view.


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

If you won a million dollars ....

How many of you would continue in your current job?

What does that say about us?


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

To future TRK in 20 years time - a reminder

Dear TRK in the future,

Hey, how ya doing? Remember when you were younger and you weren't the biggest fan of authority and always wanted to run away and do the opposite of everything they said? Remember how lucky you were that your parents were always supportive, gave you the room and the space to grow, to explore, to make your own decisions and mistakes without overly prying?

Well, hopefully you'll have a bundle of mini-TRK's running around the place by now (though at this rate they'll either be to different mothers out of wedlock, or I should address this to TRK in 40 years time?). Anyway, don't be a disciplinarian. Your daughter will be loved and understood if she goes to parties and dies her hair pink (though if 80's fashion even looks like coming back in I'm getting a vasectomy right now!). Your son can hang out with his dudes and look after himself and always be welcomed back with open arms.

Maybe I should write a letter to my future self detailing my own shenanigans ("if anyone says shenanigans one more time I'll pistol whip them" - BIG prize if you know the film), but there's NOOOO way I'd detail them here - sorry beloved readership. Not a chance. A cat in a freezing over hell has more chance!


Simon Wiesenthal zt"l

News has just come through that he passed away. I hope this doesn't mean that the few remaining free muderers breathe a sigh of relief. May they be hunted down and tortured slowly, wherever they live, in the name of SW and everyone else. I hope they die slow, painful, excruciating deaths. They should never merit to see children or grandchildren. The fires of hell await them, purgatory of the worst kind. Special roped off extra-hot sections for all the regular killers, rapists and molestors to gawk at the Nazis, and consider themselves lucky they were not part of it.

And may we know no more suffering, amen.


Sunday, September 18, 2005

Female Bloggers And Commenters Beware

Not speaking on behalf of any of the other male single blogsters out there, but I am sure I am not alone. We have our own little ideas about what is going on here. You are sitting around reading this, a bevy of implant-adjusted Pamela Anderson look-a-likes, giggling away. You'll write a comment and then maybe have a pillow fight or some mud-wrestling. There are slumber parties where you will go round discussing your favorite aspect of TRK. Each and every one of you cause men to swoon, you would be worth cutting off a limb and moving to some war-torn third world country just for a glimpse of your smile.

I just thought you might want to know :-)


Help me help you help me

Haven't you found that helping others, giving them advice, being a good listener is sometimes the best tonic for yourself? When you are surrounded by woes, singing the blues, down in the dumps, turn to a friend. Not for help, but to help them. You warm them up, which warms you up, which warms them up even more. It works.

The only problem is, I am the best at giving this advice out and the worst at listening to it. Including this one (bit of a circular conundrumic paradox there, on a par with "I always lie").


Friday, September 02, 2005

We can work it out

Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend.

Feeling low, lethargic, down and blue? Work it out. Get off your lazy fat ass, go jogging, cycling or down to sweat off some of that frustration and excess crap at the local gym. Get your pasty, white, bloated, fatty body outside, pump those endorphins through your body, let the rivulets of sweat sting your eyes.

Breathe the fresh outdoor air, be like Lance, pedal those legs like the wheels on the bus up the steep hill of your apathy. Pull yourself up on the chin-up bar of your dreams. Lift those weights of depression, jog away those tears. Trust me, it works.